Another long stretch without writing… I really need to find a way to accept this.
Life races ahead rapidly as usual. I am working intentionally to cherish these moments and days, and to not wish them away. My son is growing so fast that it truly is difficult to believe. His personality and character are blossoming… along with his sin nature. This phase of discipline is tricky because I don’t think he comprehends offenses and wrong actions, but he does recognize the reaction they cause in me. More than once I’ve had to still my temper at his repeated and blatant wrongs, and remember that his brain is still developing, and that I don’t want him growing up worried about angering me. I want him growing up understanding where the boundaries are, and understanding what the consequences are for crossing those boundaries.
He brings me great joy in this season. We wrestle and tickle and laugh and it fills my heart in a way that other things and people cannot. I can’t imagine myself without him now.
Marriage is a different ball game now. Without intentionality there would be almost nothing. Time is scarce, energy is even more sought for, and spontaneity is usually not an option. Here we find ourselves in a season of team work, of sacrificing our time for our son, and where we have absolutely no room to consider ourselves or our wants. If the other person doesn’t understand them and meet them, then they do not get met.
Recently I’ve spoken to my wife about a certain spiritual issue I want her to work on and let the Lord mold in her life. The conversation about it has never gone well though. I’ve prayed for her a great deal in this, but don’t seem to ever find the right way to address it. Today at church I realized that I’ve been terribly inconsistent in leading her spiritually. How then can I expect her to respond to spiritual leadership over her sin? I’m in sin by not daily walking her along a path of righteousness. I can’t call out her sin in the midst of that and expect anything positive in return.
The passage this morning was from Psalm 29 wherein David describes God’s voice as a storm that moves from the Mediterranean through northern Israel and then down to the southern part of the nation. His is a mightier voice and power than baal’s (the Philistine storm god). When we worship God in that splendor, and we recognize that He is for us, the result is an abundance of peace and strength for us to endure storms. Israel’s problem, as is ours, is that they forgot God and worshipped baal. Today I worship self-sufficiency. My self-sufficient pattern for leading my wife spiritually is to try about once a week to pray or watch a sermon if we missed church. That’s pathetic and futile. My sinful mind deems it sufficient. The results speak for themselves. My wife in and of herself pursues the Lord, but part of marriage is having a partner who can see the depths of your sin, and gently call you out on it, and then lovingly provide a means to repent of it. Therefore, any frustration I experience with her sin, most likely can be traced back to a lack of yielding to God’s power and voice in the storm of that sin, and a dependence on my own efforts to correct it.
Thank you Father for Your Word that corrects me and encourages me to Godliness. Please make me into the husband that my wife needs and responds to as the spiritual leader. Please cause me to depend on You in all these things. I love you.