I am thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to bond with my son. He has done so well with this transition. God has truly given us a “good” baby. I’ve heard the horror stories from other friends of kids crying non-stop with all sorts of medical problems. We are so richly blessed with this boy – who is healthy and happy around the clock.
Yesterday I was putting him into his swing and he suddenly lurched forward. His forehead smacked the top part of the swing that is made of hard plastic. I think it scared him more than hurt him, but he sure did scream. That really made me feel horrible. Seeing him scared or in pain is just the worst. I know that I can’t protect him from all fear and injury, but I will try. Some of it is good for his overall development; regardless it still hurts me to see him hurting.
Gina and I know someone, who is close to us, who has an awful relationship with her adult son. Recently it became clear that the son wanted nothing to do with her any longer. The source of their crippled relationship is sin through and through. Apart from the sovereignty of God this relationship is beyond healing. Gina expressed to me the sad emotions she now understood for that woman having experienced the love of a mother for her son. It would be very hard to imagine little Judah hating us some day. I could not fathom what that pain might be like. This made me think about how fervently I need to fight for my family against the pull of sin. There is nothing our enemy would love more than to see this family torn apart by any means possible. I cannot be nonchalant at any point in Judah’s life. I admit that I have failed to pray over him as I originally intended. Lately I have failed to pray with my wife and lead her in devotions. I must be better about this. For their sake.
I spent quite a long time yesterday just holding him as he ate and slept. I love the security that he possesses as he completely rests without any other worries or cares. Yes he hasn’t experienced enough of life to understand that there are things he could worry about, but the point is that he is content being so dependent on two people that he trusts so much. It is an honor to be that person for him, and it is such a weighty responsibility at the same time. I am constantly thinking about how my decisions will affect him long term. I kiss his cheek repeatedly throughout the day because I want him to be comfortable with physical affection and closeness within our family. My family was not like that. I make him watch Spanish cartoons and I read him theology books because I want his mind to expand early on so that he can take in as much of this world as is possible.
Yesterday Gina and I spoke at length about the grace of God in giving this boy to a set of parents that love and fear the Lord. Any child at any time can be born to horribly sinful parents, or parents that don’t know the Lord, or no parents at all. Children can go through extremely painful childhoods. Children can be raised in great childhoods but that are devoid of truth. Our son will grow up (as it so far seems) with a great childhood that is full of the love of the Lord. I myself am an example of God’s grace because my father’s family does not know the Lord – only he does. He was called out of an unbelieving family into the faith apart from their efforts to point him toward faith. Gina grew up in a believing family, but not in the church. God called her to that in her adult life. Both of us have painfully sinful situations in our extended families. Both of us have unbelieving portions of our extended families. All of that means that God has a specific plan for Judah. His plan is a good plan and a gracious plan. I know this because before he was even born, Judah was rescued from a pattern of sin and brokenness.
My heart sings for joy at the goodness of our God.