I learned something about my wife yesterday. She likes to have recipes for meals during the week. I like to have groceries on hand with which I can throw together random meals. That makes a ton of sense considering our personalities – me being well, more random, and she being neat and organized. That’s all fine and dandy until I ask her to try and make meals according to the way I like making meals. It is frustrating to her to make meals at random they way I do. So, if there are no planned meals, then she’d like me to at least pick out what we’re having for dinner. Then she’s happy to cook it for us.
Today I briefly got upset that she asked me to pick what to have for dinner since there were no plans. I wanted her to figure it out so that I didn’t have to think about it. But shortly after I realized that I was asking her to act like me, and I can’t do that.
It’s almost a silly thing, but I wonder how many couples miss such a small detail, that can cause such big fights. Nobody deep down gets mad about the actual dinner plans. They get mad about expectations. Who expects who to cook? Are meals going to be planned or random? Do I think that she should be ok with making random meals? It’s what’s behind all of those questions that matters. We both have a certain way of wanting dinner, and there is a way to have a happy dinner every night. How? Two things:
1) Men, know your wife. Know how she wants the weekly dinner plans to happen. Know what she likes to have in place before cooking dinner. Know what she expects of you regarding dinner. Again, it may sound trite, but it’s not. The small issues like this can be a building blocks of a wonderful home, or can be the nagging pains that drive her away.
2) Men, lay down your life for your wife. If there are no plans for dinner, and she’s up to cook, and therefore she needs you to make a decision, then make it. Don’t try and force her to conform to your preferences. Do what it is that she needs.
These are the moments when your wife will see that you really love her. She’s not looking for you to rescue her from hostages and sing love songs to her on a daily basis. She’s looking for you to lay your life down while figuring out dinner.